


A New Hope Denied

by Not Freibulous (AugustusFeuer)



Series: Bundeslihaha [2]
Category: Bundesliga - Fandom, Star Wars
Genre: Crack, Der Klassiker, FC Bayern vs Borussia Dortmund, FCB v BVB, Football, Gen, Gijinka, Jedi!Dortmund, Not really RPF, Parody, Personification, Sith!Bayern, Soccer, Star Wars AU, birthday fic, if you know Bundesliga the ending was kind of a given so yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 02:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2564714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AugustusFeuer/pseuds/Not%20Freibulous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DISCONTINUED // Two classics meet in a tale of Light and Dark – or should I say, yellow and red?</p><p>(Crack AU, based on the most recent Klassiker. An extremely belated birthday gift for my friend Talicor :D)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Hope Denied

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Talicor](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Talicor).



> *spreads confetti* WOOOOT! BAYERN WON THE KLASSIKER 2-1! AWESOME JOB, CONGRATULATIONS!
> 
> …er… *waves hand* you never saw or heard this. The author is malfunctioning at the moment. Move along.
> 
> And Tali! I'm so terribly sorry for the overdue (and very soccery) gift, Milord! If you don't accept this little fic, please let this be mine - my birthday was just yesterday, haha! xD

Borussia Dortmund was the embodiment of Light.

Standing tall and powerful, he was blessed with a sword fighting skill little could match – one he perfected himself, I might add – called _gegenpressing_ , taken from the old Allemand word for ‘counterattack’.

Not to mention his physique – the beautiful climate of his home planet, Estfalia, bestowed him fair, almost golden hair he liked to keep messy in order to match his charming smile, high cheekbones and a perfect body, but the most striking feature in him was his eyes. Contrasting greatly with his pale skin, his eyes were the color of the most potent caf, a mark of the endless passion inside him.

Despite all his fire, though, Borussia had a kind heart – it beat with unconditional love and a thirst for peace.

But every beacon of light had a Darkness to balance it – such was the way of the Force.

This being of hatred had been born innocent. Naive, even. She’d been the apple of her loving guardian’s eyes – her parents had been executed for reasons undisclosed, long before the war – a bright child who saw the good in everything and everyone… especially her graceful teacher Miss Löwe. Years passed, and the little girl was now a young woman devoting herself for her homeworld… a world aligned with the revolution movement. A world torn apart by the Jedi. And with great skills and the Force inside her, she rose up through the ranks quickly...

But not quick enough. The Liberation of Bavaria, as the attack was called in Republic history books, killed her foster family.

And she felt alone.

So alone.

Until Miss Löwe came to her guardians’ funeral.

And she told her a secret: She was a Sith, a Force user, and she saw her potential. “I will train you, my child,” Löwe cooed, rubbing calming circles on her back as she stared at the strangers burying her family’s ashes, “and the Jedi will be no more. Our home will be free for our loved ones. And for eternity.”

And she was dubbed Bayern München – meaning _one who dies for Bavaria_.

But she didn’t die with her planet. It never did.

She brought it into the spotlight, instead. After years of training, she exposed her master for being the war’s mastermind and had her “executed”, gaining fame and sympathy from all parties involved.

Then Bayern pulled some more strings. Estfalen joined in the fledgling alliance, with leaders Queen Leva and King Oriam signing a treaty. The alliance then spread its influence all over the galaxy, awashing people with fear. Fear that the Jedi wasn’t a good enough guardian, an ineffective force that was incapable of exterminating the growing threat of extragalactic invaders.

So new leadership was arranged, with Bayern as its head. The people was satisfied with her quick action in “decommissioning” the Jedi (replacing them with special forces), building public facilities and reducing taxes, but the Dark Side twisted her good intentions… and the New Empire turned into a dictatorship in a matter of months.

A new revolution started, led by former Estfalen senator and defector Hansje Watzke with the Delegation of 2000, politicians who stayed loyal to the Republic’s democratic ways. The few remaining Jedi also joined the so-called Rebel Alliance, followed by groups of the oppressed.

They would strike at the Empire’s strongholds, infiltrate organizations and gather intelligence. They won some and lost some, but their most important victory was a personal attack on the Empress by their best Jedi Master, Jürgen Klopp, who managed to cut off two of her appendages at the cost of his.

Of course, the high expectations shifted to his healthy ex-apprentice, the aforementioned Borussia Dortmund. The young Jedi had mixed feelings for it, for he was only twenty-two, for Force’s sake! And he had a life! A really beautiful one, at that! And her name was Princess Alké Koenigsblau of Gelsenkirchen.

It was a pity she had her eyes on that stupid pilot. What was his name? Erwin? Klaas? Julian?

He decided not to care. And oh, look! There she was… after brushing his hair back with his fingers (she liked her boys sharp), he approached her with a subdued version of his usual swagger.

“Good morning, Your Highness,” he greeted, grinning as he tried to emulate a Nubian-style curtsy.

Alké raised a trimmed eyebrow (though it was still as thick as kark) at his boldness. “Good morning, Master Dortmund.” Her voice was deep and controlled with a condescending undertone, a picture of perfect regalness.

“Oh, come on, Alké, you know I’m not a Master yet,” Borussia said, nudging her side playfully, "Just call me Borussia."

There was a long pause. The Jedi's dark eyes started to twinkle, inviting the princess’ gray ones to cave in- a flicker of annoyance, and the princess' chest heaved, as if preparing for a long speech. _Finally!_

"Well, _Borussia_ ," she replied, turning elegantly on her heels to face him, “Perhaps it would be wiser if you wait for lunch break if you wish to chat with me. Now if you’ll excuse me… I have pressing matters to attend to. Come, Erwin.”

A towering humanoid with gray hair, beady eyes and inexplicably large nose in blue and white followed her. Borussia shuddered as they passed him by. That _thing_ was Erwin?

Apparently Erwin knew what he was thinking about, because he glared at the young Jedi with the force of Tatooine suns. Caught red-handed, he hastily sent the aide a strong Force suggestion. _Stop looking at me! Follow her!_ Thankfully, he did what he was told, leaving Borussia in the empty hallway. _Phew!_ he thought, rubbing his chest in relief, _that was close!_

_What was close?_

Borussia almost jumped in surprised at his former master’s call, but he tried to compose himself like the perfect Jedi he should be… and failed spectacularly. _A fruit doesn’t fall far from its tree…_

_Er, well, just… a little, uh, royal affair… nothing you should be worried about!_

The Jedi Master’s Force signature seemed to be facepalming when he said that.

 _‘Royal affair’,_ he repeated incredulously, ... _did you flirt with Koenigsblau again?_

Borussia groaned inwardly. _No! And even if I do, I’m not a Padawan anymore. You can’t stick your nose into everything I do, Kloppo!_ He added his mentor’s nickname for good measure.

 _Very well,_ the quirky Master sounded like he was nodding, _just don’t come crying to me when poodoo hits the fan, okay?_

 _Sure thing, Master,_ Borussia replied, rolling his eyes. _Why doesn’t he trust me with women, anyway?_

 

To be continued…

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry for the lack of opening scroll, but I wanted to finish this as quickly as possible… I might go back and fix that someday. Or not.  
> And Dortmund’s remark… I never meant to be racist, I swear! But Erwin does look funny, oder? |°C°|b
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! Thoughts?  
> Lewa (the worst ex ever… or the best, for Bayern fans ;p) -ddawski
> 
> P.S.: *hugs Talicor*  
> For straighttothepoint, thank you so much for the fanart! I hope you like this opening... I know you can catch all the references ;)


End file.
